The government has serious issues with end to end encryption technology used by what-sap , twitter and other social media sites like Facebook and google . Here the government is holding discussions with these IT giants to not to encrypt their conversations .End to end encryption  is when the user and the sender can have a conversation and only they can read the chat no one else  not even the service provider . The government what’s to track and trace posts that ignite violence or spread mis information it says . It is also miffed with twitter for having deleted many accounts of people who had more right wing views .This has seriously bought into question net neutrality and the freedom of social media .As social media platforms they are free and any one can propagate any ideology , idea or voice . In that regards it is the duty of Social Media sites to keep their customer conversations encrypted and away from nay outside agency .

But due to Pulwama and other terrorist activities government needs this data to catch anti national and that is where the issue is . The government has tweaked the IT act so that they are able to track the digital foot prints of posts and trace it back to these ender itself that way helping in solving cyber crimes .

Fake news , automated accounts , spreading of mis information was also discussed by Government officials who asked for encryption keys from the social media sites that operate in the country .

The cyber crime unit team also said it was unable to capture data from Apple devices as they were very secure and could not be cracked open due to password , facial and figure print recognition technology . That way government is at the mercy of the technology companies and feels they lack behind non containing cyber crimes .The battle goes on as individual privacy vs national interest becomes a technology issue .

It seems the government has sprung to action and has taken to task microblogging sites like Twitter and others , for spreading misinformation , hate , communal disharmony , revenge porn , sex videos , child pornography and anti national content and posts . The attacks on Red Fort and the hijacking of the fort by the farmers was when the government sprung to action thousands of twitter accounts where blocked and closed , these where the ones asking people to join protesters at the red fort and insight violence . The government has been very critical of toxic content and has even formed a youth and volunteer task force to read analyze and remove toxic and socially harmful content and bloc social media accounts .

The Ministry of Broadcasting has also formed a panel that will review and censor content running on OTT platforms currently , censorship has arrived on OTT and it is very bad news for freelance content providers and actors alike . More censorship emend people who do know the nuances  of  making film will have a say on what people should see and that is very bad news for OTT professionals .

Where as under article 19 (2) we have the right of freedom of speech and expression these government officials say that that right is not absolute and in many court cases it has been muzzled and suppressed as well .This is exactly what the government is doing right now in the garb of nationals security and communal harmony  . The government is again trying to tell us what we can or cannot see , say or write that to me is gross intrusion off my rights and privacy .

Where their have been government ministers who have issued statements saying they respect Article 19 (2) and everyone has a right to say as they please , their are guidelines that need to be followed and they want social media sites to make money in the country and drive FDI but they must all follow the law of the land and respect it’s cultural roots and heritage .

Government is saying there is a line in the sand and there would be fins and punishment for those who break that line , again big brother is watching the state is always on the back of its citizens and this is no exception .

Article 19 (2) of the constitution is not absolute and is subject to reasonable restrictions as well . That reasonable is decided by the judge himself who is seeing the case papers . The government is saying that in the matters of the state and national security and integrity that reasonable will be exercised and sent out a clear warning to micro blogging sites that if they do not remove objectionable content from there sites and regularly monitor there content , there would be consequences in the ambit of the law of the land .They however prised the foreign exchange and business these social media sites got to the country and urged them to do business in the country at the same time respecting the law of the land .

Woke up cosy to hear the news that news That the Indian Government has come out with the committee which will be made up of volunteers who will monitor and identify social media posts that are running on the net . With the proliferation of Cyber Crime posts that attack the sovereignty and integrity of India , attack minorities , children and woman , relate to child abuse , terrorism , disturbing communal harmony will be monitored and removed . The Committee made of educated volunteers will be called Indian Cyber Crime Coordination Centre and it will deal with issues of Cyber Crime .

Anyone can register for the program but it is strictly volunteer based and no money is given to the volunteer .

‘One of the important objectives of I4C is to create an ecosystem that brings together academia, industry, public and government in prevention, detection, investigation and prosecution of cyber crimes,’ a document of the home ministry said.

This programmed also envisages bringing together citizens with a passion to serve the nation on a single platform and contribute in the fight against cybercrime in the country .

Day’s fly by as another morning brings sunshine for me, today was to stay indoors day. As I got up late tired from the running around of yesterday. I was appraised by the Republic news channel that one of their reporters had died of COVID the guy must be barely 35 years old, someone so young died of the virus. I was taken aback as I swept through other stories on the net celebrities like Sania Mirza talking of their battle with the dreaded virus, she describes it as a horrific experience. The virus is killing indiscriminately, as new strands and new mutations of the COVID 19 virus are discovered in counties like Britain and Denmark. The world death toll stands at 2.5 million and that’s the official toll the unofficial numbers as much as five times higher which means more than 10 million deaths and still counting.  It seems even this year will go under the grey cloud of the virus as humanity tries somehow to stay afloat and try to get things normal not with much success, the Indian economy has struck and we are still not out of the recession, the only thing to be happy about is the Stock Market touching new highs but then when did the stock market take cues from the economy it is an animal of its own free will and no one can predict the markets.

Yes, the day flew by as I munched on prawn and rice and had a few cans of coke, I quite enjoy the Hershey Bar as dessert apart from that I relaxed on my bed contemplating and giving my clothes to the laundry.

The day passed by with more news of the farmer’s protest and celebrity Twitter fights. The only fun I have is on munching chicken lollypop at my friend Dab’s ka eating joint. Apart from that life just is passing me by as I aimlessly and wilfully nestle myself in its bowls.

The day began with a healthy haze I has spent last night in quiet contemplation and in the solitude  of my room . The evening meditation had made me look fresh and younger but their was a groggy feeling in my mind as I got up . I walked out and started barking orders at the care taker of my hotel , “ Saaf karoo Bhai , aur thoda  pani aur bread toast tho jaane .” I told the cleaning boy . The day had begun late as usual and the sun was out on the tarred road . I got a call from Jeetu Ji my lawyer ,” Wo police wale ka phone Aya hei ! You need to fill a bond and sign it in front the ACP of Police that you will not do this act again for at least a year .” Jeetu apprised me after his discussion with Damle the Police officer who had called him .” Yeh ! salla madarchod Fixer mera dost nahi , dushman ban gaya , he says he will remove his name from the guarantors sheet .” I told Jeetu in an agitated voice .” Not to worry Uska naam nikal kar naya Guarantor kar lenge .” Jeetu reassured me.

“ Wo chutiya hei wo tumhey lootna Chahta hei .” Jeetu said as he understood the game that Fixer was playing .” Why don’t you come over to court at 3 PM , then we will go to the station fill your bond and get it signed by the ACP of police , your hearing is next week by that time the charge sheet would have been submitted to the court .” Jeetu had done his home work for the past week or so and he had got all the process documents ready . After the requisition for the laptop , this was our biggest task that needed to be completed before we could move further .

‘I have sent you bills of my laptop , we will deal with Fixer later .” I said as if to say everything was in control .

I have been wearing my torn track bottom for the past three days and it is looking grubby .I marched out and took an auto ,” Court House .” I barked at the auto wala .” We moved toward the court house .” Sir bond paper , sir buy bond paper .” One man approached me as I made a walk for the court house .” Hello Jeetu Ji , where are you .” I asked ,” Sit in the canteen area , I will be with you .” Jeetu instructed . I waited patiently the heat was making me restless and I had taken a Corona Mask to cover my face . The auto guy had reminded me to pick it up on the way as I left my hotel abode .

Jeetu showed up with his assistant , a short fair girl who was carrying bond paper with her .” Sir listen to your lawyer he is there to help you only .” She said as she sat on the bench and waited for me to sign the document .Jeetu was on the phone again this time it was Fixer ,” Tell Sir he has run away with my money , I have spoken to Diya Madam , she has said usee Ab Mein Bataun gi apni chute ka asli dam , I will make him sweat .” Fixer sounded a bit unsure .” Par sir , is saying you have stolen his I Tablet also , and if sir owes you money then send bills to us .” Jeetu was his lawyer best .” Harami hie Fixer , he wants to make money through Diya madam also .’ Jeetu understood Fixers real motive . Fixer had lost his golden goose that he was milking for so long and now the goose was gone in a flash and Fixer was like a Fish in water trying to make sense of it all .

“ Chalo lets go to the cop station and fill some forms we need to give a apology to the ACP also the area is in a woman ACP’s du restriction . Your new guarantor is also coming over .” Jeetu said wiping his glasses . In a flash my eyes fell on a short dark man who had come to be my guarantor in five thousand the deal was arranged , he had bought his Aadhaar card with him and jumped into the auto with us .

We reached the station in time , today the station was empty and so where the streets and the shops . We sat down with Damle who assured Jeetu that he was their to help .” Arrey sir has not done any crime this is not a crime just sign our form you will not do it agin for the next one year and you are free from our process .” Writer hei Bhai , mistake ho jata hei .” Jeetu said with an esoteric smile as he picked up a paper cup full of tea .

‘ He has acted with Shah Rukh Khan also , and Rani Mukherji “ a man on the computer peered out of his desk and said very glee fully .” I am Sudeep , I will type the form you need to sign what was your case number .” He leaned forward to ask Jeetu .” It is there in my file .” Jeetu fumbled with his file to dig out the case number .” CRN 3200.” He said with reassurance . All the paper work was taking it’s sweet time , the station was slow and empty , dry and smutty . It stank of stale bread and charcoal wood . I did not have the patience to keep sitting and staring at people coming in and walking out of the room . Jeetu got into a conversation with the cops , as they showed him file of my naked pictures and photographs in a file .” It is not a crime as such , sir is saying he was given access to Diya’s page , but still if some one excepts you as a friend you cannot say you want to fuck her .” The inspector tried to make a point . I felt uneasy and walked out into the yard to take some air .” It seems you eat a lot of Pan Parag , stop that it’s a and habit .” A bald fair looking gentleman looked at me , he had taken his mask off when he said that .He was in his late fifties bald with bristles of white hair and white moustache .” I know this is not the only vice I have , I am a writer and you .” I shook his hand and felt like a polite conversation with the gentleman .The old gentleman was fair and with a smile said ,” I am just here for my matter , your long hair say you are a creative person .” He took off his jacket as the heat was getting to us both .

Jeetu got busy with the documents inside the room and chatted aimlessly with the cops , it was like one big tea party inside .” The farmers protest I believe Kangna is in trouble due to her tweets , even tweeter has removed them , they say she is instigating hate amongst people .”The old balding gentleman went on to narrate the hot topic of the day .” Farmers protest , I mean why only Punjab farmers are protesting there i are no protests anywhere else in India .” I went on as if trying to make a prudent point to my old man . Cops meandered in the court yard some are familiar with me .” Sir one role in your next web series .” A cop saluted me and asked .” See I can only give you a non speaking part all the speaking parts are taken .” I went on to say with a glance  .” You write about my character , I am Singham the super cop .” Pat came the reply .” You know I was the one who arrested you then , you are good writer .” Saying this he walked off . My irritation got the better of me as it was taking a lot of time to get the documents to get into order . I went to the photocopier to make some Xerox of my cards and then along with the cops headed for the ACP’s  office around the corner with a few more others that included my old grey haired balding gentleman .” You are a Punjabi , it seems from North India .” He went on to ask Asif trying to get to know me more .” I handed him my card I am a Kashmiri sir , like Nehru pandit .’ I made my cast clear to him as we meandered on the footpath to go towards the ACP’s office .

Jeetu was there as we trigged to the second floor of the building .” I am your lawyer I have to support you ,see all the work I am doing for you and still you keep going about my payment , I am standing in the sun for you .” Jeetu further trend to prove his loyalty towards me .” What is your gotta then .” The balding gentleman asked .” I am Datatre .” I said ,” So am I , we are brothers then .” Jeetu clapped my hand and said .’ Now you get me out of this .” I smiled back to him and said .I was taken inside into a computer room and signed my bond paper and stood in-front of the ACP .” Hmm you are. Writer , I see yes! Yes ! I know you your fathers murder case , you are a witness in that .” The female officer dressed in a stale and pale Shalwar Kameez looked at em as she read my case file .” Madam I have payed fine written an apology , but bail bond in court , what more is needed now I have suffered enough you see .” I stood still with folded hands in front of the lady .’ You see the crime was committed in my area , so these formalities are for me that you swear you will not do it again otherwise the police will re arrest you again .” She went on to explain to me the nuances of the case .” It was an mis understanding , I was trying to ask the lady to do my web movie .” I tried to put my point forward rather meekly .” That is Ok , you give me a copy when you meet me next , after the court hearing you see me in tow days , now you can go .” She looked at me peering form her glasses .” You send me the book I will read it .” She went on to tell me before she excused me .i opens the door hesitantly and walked out of the station with Jeetu .” So far so good at least we got the cops off our backs , rest of the work is own process , give me Rs 2000 for the guarantor  boy he has stood in the neat all day .’ Jeetu was his greedy self .” Arrey I have not written for two months still not got my laptop and you keep asking for money .’ Saying this a thrust a note in his hand .

The traffic was getting a bit heavy but Corona times was evident , public activity was low and people were still afraid to get out of their homes .I hopped on an auto and headed for the hotel knowing well that I had done a good days work and that my troubles might be coming to an end as of now at least .

The clock ticks on I can hear it loud as the dial reverberates inside the oval glass casing of the clock, it’s on my bedroom wall standing tall and aloof as if staring at me from afar, gazing and analysing my every move. The bed is soft but only just, its white sheets now covered with obscure stains of coffee and jam with bred crabs sticking to its fibres.   It’s been weeks since I ventured out, I feel like the lost protagonist of the film Memento who looses his memory and has to write everything down just so that he can get by his day. Tic Tock Tick Tock the clock moves on, time passes by as I stare at my laptop trying to figure out what to write and I keep jogging my mind looking for stories. I try I try but nothing comes in my mind, so I just start typing and words turn into lines, lines turn into sentences and they in turn into paragraphs, before I know it I have filled an entire page that makes sense to some one who will read it. It’s that simple when you want to write just do it, you don’t need a story nor a idea nor a though just pen down words and after a while you realise what you have written makes sense to some one.

The phone is off the hook, I took it off as I did not want to be disturbed, the bathroom is wet it has been two days that I had my last bath, as I have no routine now a days, my life spent in a daze. I do not know where to turn for inspiration, they say when you feel this way the only way to look is within.

I am a lost boy when I can’t express exactly what I feel in words, I am lost boy when I do not know where I am headed, I am a lost boy as I still look at my tomorrow. The room is small the ac very loud and it freezes inside at times, I rarely watch tv, my time spent eating, bathing, writing and contemplating, its a hermits life a monks life and I love it. To be just able to cut off from the world and re treat within is the joys that I have discovered as I have moved on in life. The inner riches are the ones that I seek the most and those give me the ultimate satisfaction.

The room is littered with coke can’s, and chocolate wrappers, my bags clutter the small space of the room on the left as there is hardly any room for me to walk. I have pair of small brown rubber slippers I picked up from my grandmothers house, but they are two size smaller and very un comfortable to walk with.

The room has mirrors and a small refrigerator keeps the water bottle cool at Rs 1800 bucks a night it is reasonable I suppose, I am happy in it has I was in my previous five star abode. The staff has gotten to know me over the last two weeks and greet me with a smile in the morning they are now well versed with my routine and habits.

I have put on weight during Corona Times and have developed a slightly wonky walk due to my weight, I find it a bit difficult to walk straight and climbing stairs is not as easy as it use to be, is age showing on me know ? I hope not, I have still to hit fifty and my face shines like that of a baby boy.

The wooden bed is steady and gives me good sleep but I did wake up kicking the laptop and phone from the bed a few nights back, maybe a dream or a nightmare but I did get startled, thank god for the writing it keeps me sane and keeps me focused on something, for me it is like my meditation my prayer my song and my Dhyan. The more I do it the more joy I feel as I fill pages and pages with irrelevant words and sentences that in the the end make for a perfect read and an entertaining piece.

Getting lost at times in the streets that open up from my hotel gate, I find life keeps going and so do I. We Are all lost one way or the other either in our minds or in the world at large. The thing is can we take a moment and find our souls amongst all this commotion and noise. But the mind needs to express and writing is the best tool of that expression. So I keep at it, at least it keeps me sane and breathing, I am happy to be alive because of it. It saves me money at the end of the day, no shrinks or spin doctors to pay fees so that they can listen to my bull shit, all I have to do is vomit my feelings on my blog and type away with glee.

I wore a fresh green Corona Mask yesterday got it specially from the market, I am also enjoying my long hair which I have been growing for a year, now a nice pony tail adorns my face. The black rimmed spectacle give me back my geeky look and my plump double chin gives the impression of a boy who never grew up into a man. My large girth and gurgling tummy makes me look like the laughing Buddha. I am a bit of both the Lost Boy and the Laughing Buddha with a strong inner side and being. It is the meditation during the day that also keeps my energy chakra’s moving and keeps my body juices on the go. With friends in the area ready to listen to my talks and a friendly lawyer in the city taking up my case and defending me, I feel more relaxed and at ease, the tension has evaporated and my writings have begun to flow. Their was a lull in my stories and blog post last moth in fact I did not bite anything last month. But now the juice is coming back and words and flowing clearly and with elan.

I have my YouTube videos to watch and my idleness to give me company, some one said best thing in the world to do is to do nothing and I have followed that advice most of the time. All I need is the internet and my laptop and I am through for the day. I wait outside my door listening to conversations in the lobby of the hotel. I stop at paan shops to get a glimpse of the street banter, maybe to hear a new joke or a new word I can use in my essays. These days it is the farmers agitation and how Corona Vaccine will cure us all. The local trains have been allowed to move freely as Mumbai tries to go back to normal, even the swimming pools have been opened up and Cinema halls allowed to have 50’% capacity. With the new Budget having been passed the Sensex has shot up and their could be a bull run as economists debate about a speedy recovery and a V shaped recession.

I am oblivious to the happenings of the world as they only touch me through the electronic media but I feel I need to be informed, as making conversation is also very important for a writer, the more conversation the more story ides and the more characters one can in corporate in my stories. I have understood one thing clearly anything can be a story one has to just give it some attention.

There are many rats on the street facing my hotel and the pace is infested with old torn electrical wires that run on top of the houses in the area. I ventured out in the night and could hear a kitten trapped inside a a blag rubbish bag trying to kick his way out but he couldn’t get out. I bent over and opened the bag and let the poor thing out. That was one random act of kindness for the day, I believe in that, we should do one random act of kindness towards some one every day. I do that often either giving food or money or buying irrelevant things fro poor bigger kids who run amok on the street. A act of kindness with out reward without even knowing the person you are doing it for and then forgetting about it completely that is real charity, basically real charity needs no reward the act itself is the reward and I have learnt that as I have grown old.

I hit my head from time to time trying to focus on my words and my spread sheets, as time and again my mind meanders into useless repetitive thoughts and old patterns of aimlessness tries to enter me. I remind myself and steady my fingers as the tap the keys again and gain looking for divine inspiration from somewhere.

“ I hear there has been an incident, you Ok need any help.” A old friend called up worried that I had gotten into soup again due to my blog and my offensive writings.” I am fine I will tell you about it in time, I am Ok no need to worry.” I tell the friend trying to deflect my attention from the soup i landed in a few months back. Frozen with fear I had also given up writing for the past month but now I am back on track. Still a bit lost, but trying to get back, the boy and the man the tussle with in me is still on and keeps going.

At times when I keep awake at night tapping away word after word I do indulge in some Maggie that’s  my night food, along with tea and jam bread it is my only meal when nothing is around to chew and eat. Lost boy indeed I go out for smokes clutching my leather bag which has my money and passport just to make sure no one steals it from me. I am alert at times and at times drift away into laziness and thoughtlessness at times. I have to hit my head with a brick to get my attention back and to pull my mind back into the activity at hand, the more I tug at it the more attention I get and more energy I spend on my focussed task that is to fill one page after another with words that are all jumbled up in my mind, as I spit them out on paper they some how begin to make some sense to me and those who read my blog.

I can never see the road ahead all I see is shadows and fuzzy images of what could happen, my intuition and foresight  as my only guide I march ahead like a lost boy taking assured steps towards and un assured future.

Menu cards from eateries around litter my room, as I flip its many pages trying to figure out what to eat tomorrow.

Lost, at least I am aware I am lost most are not aware of their situation, I know I am lost so Tehri is no need to pretend that I know where I am going because the truth is I don’t. The very act of that knowing frees me both form with in and with out. I know I am lost and can move on just like that it lifts a huge burden from my head. Like a lazy hermit I spend endless hours in my room puking out words atet clutter my mind and I do that joy fully and with full attention.

So much has happened I a one year long stay in the maximum city I have been robbed and swindled by a hotel booking seamster. I have attempted to make a web-series  and their has been an FIR that has been lodged against me. I have broken up with my mate Fixer, I have been making rounds of the courts with my new Bihari Lawyer called Jeetu and I have managed to write four books along with selling the movie rights of one book, all in the time of Corona. Yet I feel lost and un full filled the thirst to keep at it drives me each day to churn out more words and the process seems to be endless and repetitive at times but who cares I guess that is life, it just goes on and on till we drop of it’s conveyor belt one day and with a pop our story ends too. Till then the cycle of day and night work and rest continues as we try to achieve our never ending goals and overcome the sea of our endless desire, only to find we are still un full filled  at the end of it all.

No matter how fast we run how many goals we achieve, how many desires we full fill Tehri is still more distance to cover and more dirt to dig it just keeps going on and on. We can pick up the tempo from time to time and get into bliss full zones from time to time through meditation, prayer, a song and a dance but all in all the dribble keeps going and silent music at times turns into boring cacophony.

The never ending noise from the street, the agitations the scandals and the street Jalsa  add to the babble and endless noise, the only way to escape that is to stay in the room and write. That way you are oblivious to what is going around oneself.

I want to feel free break boundaries only to realise when I break them I just set new boundaries for myself the game just keeps going and there is no way to escape. No wonder the Buddhist call this Samsara the circle of life as they call it in the Famous Disney Cartoon The Lion King.

Its’ all round and round with no respite and no break, you can’t jump out of the phenomena called life. You have to keep going till you drop off the wretched game one day. Just look at my Grand Mother she is 93 now and still playing the game, my God I wonder what she thinks of life.” Jeevan Kya hei koi na Jane, Jo Jane pachtaye, jo na Jane pachtaye.” Famous lines from an old Sudhir Mishra movie very aptly rings in my ear.

I am lost totally lost so that one day I can find, I am lost absolutely lost so that one day I can return from where I once started. I can never loose the lost boy with in me as it is my very essence and my very being. Life has taken me round and round but never spat me out of it’s merry go round and I am great full for that at least.

Back to the empty space of my room as I stare back at the clock it’s the middle of the night and I am still ready to go on and on, my mind agile needing no break. I can see patterns in the mind at times and as I type away my bowl of energy moves from the left hemisphere to the right as I look deep into the cracks and crevasses of my mind trying to make a better story.

“ Aap mast hey Sahib, very care free and jolly, you also pay money always on time and advance very good guest for us, you stay for long we give you more discount.” The Hotel administrator told me. “I am a writer I stay awake at night to write, so keep the gate open I like to take walks and think about the concepts and stories that I write about.” I went on to explain to the man.

I stare at the lamp post with it’s dim lights their is a tall man taking on the mobile animatedly and youth sitting on a ledge engrossed with a book trying to read in the lamp light, it looked to me he was studying for his exams, apart from that all I can see is an occasionally street dog passing by.

The lost boy has managed to maneuver himself around 40 countries but seems to have got stuck in Mahad  by chance. I know I will find my way and bearings from here to as the world is one big hole and you are never actually lost, you just keep spinning round and round till you pop of. The rounds are all intertwined each opening looked to each ending, so in a way one can never get lost in the world.

The mind buzzes away as if exploding every minute like balls of helium in the sun. The only respite is to write your feeling and your thoughts and make the slate of your mind clean and empty again.

Lost indeed to be found by some one, you loose one friend you find another, you loose one city, you arrive at another, you loose one relationship and you move into another, the damn thing never ends. When I contemplate life I see images of the Viraat Roopa of Krishna reciting the Bhagwat Geeta, it’s just endless dance of life and death and re birth again and gain the cyclical pattern.

As I loose myself in my writings I loose a sense of time and float into transcendental states that gives me bliss and what I write gives me meaning and reason to keep moving forward. It’s a Zen monks life insular and only focused inwards, Monks are looking for inner riches and when I right I get access to these treasures.

I have been lost on the mountains and the hills, I have been lost 40 feet under the sea, I have been lost in traffic on rivers and even at see. I have been lost in mid air and sometimes in train carriages. But I still some how still manage to reach my destination. At times I myself wonder how I got back home and found my bearing but I always do in the nick of time.

It is how you see it and how you perceive it all is in your head and all can be controlled all that is needed is attention and awareness. The more awareness the more focus and more accomplishment off the tasks in hand. Focused writing is a great way to prolong your awareness, your focus, clean up the clutter in the mind and open up and heal negative energy chakra that choking your inner world of thoughts, emotions and feelings. It relives your pain points and makes you feel light and feather footed.

Chatting affirmations can also help but that is a long and arduous process  and needs to be strengthened with clean visualisation, short description of words and a corresponding feeling. If that you do with all these elements intact in a focused manner, one can pull things that one wants into their world and feel more full filled not to mention  relived.

So it’s chanting, writing and observing for me, not necessarily in that order. The lost boy doesn’t look that lost not when I am chatting and meditating. All that is needed is involvement and focus to the immediate to the now to the present. One needs to reign in the mind for that to happen and not let to just float around aimlessly in space.

Lost boy you say I am totally in control at times only to let go for some time that to at my choosing. But then desires keep flashing infant of my face and that is what keeps driving me full filling one after the other. They are like noose tied to my neck as I try to break free from them, yet the clutch on to me, clawing at my skin like wild hounds and scavengers looking for scraps of meet and broken bone to chew on, a drop of blood from my skin to lick at. I am torn by my endless desires and still feel un full filled at times. There is no respite in this world every one seems to be in a hurry, running after their own desires and their own hollow goals when will this madness stop, or will it ever stop.

Isn’t that what the holy sages call the Karma Chakra, the never ending wheel of life that can never  stop and will go on till eternity as it has no end and no beginning it just flows endlessly like they Tao.

Suddenly again it goes all silent as the tapping of the laptop stops and gives way to the tick tock tick tock off the wall clock infant of my bed, at times I don’t know which noise is which, it is hard to distinguish. I can hear the crackle of the fridge in my hotel lobby, the helpers are no doubt trying to make some tea. The night is still strong and the Bra-ham Murat is still a few hours away, I will try to be awake by then and try not to doze off till then.

I await the morning sun, my stomach still girdling for more food, god knows how much I eat I still feel my belly is empty.

With my new found girth I feel like Humpty Dumpty who sat on a wall, I am just waiting for my fall. Lost and Found is the game I play as I sit in my room and contemplate, what to write and what to say, I try and keep all negativity at bay. Om Om Om is all I chant as I move into a headless trance.

Dab’s the owner of my new found eatery the Chef Story is my new found friend in the city, his joint serving Kebab’s, Fish, prawn and chicken curry is my haunt. I love food and during lockdown I have begun to enjoy it even more, it helps me pass time. I mean if you divide your day into four meals, one is engaged all the time. You plan what you want to eat, decide on the menu, scout out for the right place to buy your meal, budget for it and then buy it not to mention the task of eating the meal, chewing it and relishing it bit by bit. I like my food and I know good food from horrible food having travelled the world I have eaten all kinds of stuff and am very comfortable with local cuisine and food stuff. I have written a whole book called Travel Bawarchi on food and restaurants around the world.

I did a review of my Buddy Dab’s food joint and return got a xxl grey colour fabulous T shirt as well, along with discounted food for promoting his outlet, I mean that’s all I wanted any ways. Dab’s is a body builder and hits the gym as part of his routine every day, he spends a few hours at the gym. But he is absent minded most of the time just like me,” You know I am so zonked these days, it didn’t matter to me that I walked into the gym with my torn track pants, one lady pointed it out.” He said with a lost boy look. “ I am even worse man I wore my half pant to the court the other day they chased me out and asked me to come in my track pants or trousers, protocol I hate it, I mean why can’t people let guys like us be, you know we are the ramta yogi’s.” I explained what I felt about being a lost zen monk in this world.

People think I am crazy and I think the world is crazy as well, it is all a matter of individual perception that’s all.” You need to cut the oil in your chicken and get the mutton more soft I hat ether mutton your chef cooked the other day.” I admonished Dab’s now that I have become a regular, I thought I had a right to tell him that some of his food sucks.” You make a website for me, I will pay you help me promote this place.” Dab’s wanted some blogger and tech advice which I was happy to give to him at a price off course.

Chaar Bangla has been my abode for a while and it seems it is the most heavily patrolled area of the city, ether there are police vans or jeeps everywhere. People our poor and local Marathi Manus. Dab’s has vision of making his Dhaba work it has been over three months but he is yet to take success. His favourite pass times seems to be video chatting with his many internet friends from Korea and Japan on his multi media phone and flexing his muscles in his black T shirt and black track bottom. He looks to be in his mid forties but his face is win led and with a toothy smile he looks more like fifty to me.

I pick up cans of coke and chocolate from the local Kirana shop to go with my meals. Occasionally I venture into the small sweet shop at the far end of the street to buy some barfi and Jalebi. It makes for a great evening snack especially if there is samosa and bhel to go with also. I fellow writer friend keeps me company and helps me develop some stories from time to time. All in all I am having a good writing period, with the weight of the courts lifted from my head I feel more at ease. I do keep in touch with my lawyer Jeetu in the hope of getting my laptop and I phone from the courts and still wait for Rashmi Sharma productions to call up and buy my book and seal the deal with me finally. On the phone with Grand Mother I do get a bit nostalgic as she yearns to see me again, but work and priorities become me as I have an extended stay in the city of dreams.

“ Sir don’t take any tension, enjoy life.” A member of the hotel staff told me as I stood out on the road to smoke a cigarette.” No no I am not tense this is life it moves on, no tension no struggle no life, There has to be honest struggle in life to keep things going and for all of us to progress.” I remarked. The night descends on me again as I wait a new dawn and with hope to meet new friends and over come some new obstacles and challenges as I march towards my goal with single minded determination.

We as kids were told stories of freedom, we were told that all men are born free and equal, we were told stories of valor where honest virtuous men gave up their lives and even went to jail to protect their personal freedoms and the freedoms of their fellow men. Gandhi, Nehru, Mandela, Martian Luther King, and even a Pornographer called Larry Flint suffered, went to jail, and are were even shot for fighting for the ideals of freedom. We have poems in our school book talking about the great freedom struggles whether it be kings like Rana Pratap or Laxmi Bhai they were all fighting for their individual and the freedom of their states.

Above all in our constitution is the freedom of speech and expression as mentioned in the Article 19 and 19 A of the constitution  Gives the Individual freedom under six headings.

1 Freedom of Speech and Expression

2 Freedom of Assembly

3 Freedom to form association and Union

4 Freedom to move freely throughout the territory of India

5 Right to reside and settle in any part of India

6 Right to carry any professions and trade or business

In my view all these have in many ways been compromised in our country, these are great and lofty ideals but remain ideals for the courtrooms themselves, in the real world no one seems to be listening to these ideals. In a country where silent protests are met with violent police baton charges, arrests and hooliganism where is the freedom of assembly, take an example of the farmer’s protest which has been disrupted by the police and they are even rounding up people who are calling for the protest rallies through their WhatsApp groups.

Freedom of speech that’s the biggest sham of all the biggest joke, if you say something against someone they will do an FIR against you, or they to get your Facebook or YouTube channel blocked or disbarred. Instead of abusing you in return, people start taking legal routes.

I mean these ideals look good in school books only in the real world they are compromised all the time.

I had been a new arrival at this part of town, now running out of cash I had decided to put up in a cheaper hotel. Chaar Bangla has become more like an urban gettoo of sorts, like Brooklyn and Harlem in New York, this is more where the scum and slime of Mumbai throb and prosper. The youth mainly unemployed roam around the streets in Bikes smoking pot or just chasing skirts. The by alleys are where the small and dingy houses are most shopkeepers and their helpers live in very small and squalid spaces. The few good shops are the ones dealing with casting and talent scouting. There is an acting school of the great actor, Mukesh Khanna, here as well, the large cut out of Shaktimaan put one the front gate, as its granite walls wait for new students to come in and learn the finer art of acting.

I venture out and wander its many streets at night either looking for a snack or a bite of sweat meat to eat. The by lanes are patrolled by the local police regularly by night you can see many police cars and bikes wandering around looking to catch youth selling pot or just loitering around. I myself had to bear the brunt of their eire once as I stood behind some trees just staring at the view infant of me.” Arrey Kya chal raha hei wanhan ? go back to your home this is the police, don’t you know this is Corona Time.” A female police officer pointed her torch towards me and asked me to push off, which I duly did.

My Days are spent watching YouTube videos and trying to cook up ideas for my new books. Last night I got sight of an amazing old lady, she was a rag picker called Pyari who was surrounded by cats as she walked the bylines with food in her hand, she wanted to feed her little Kittens. There were more than eight cats running all around her as she sat on the street corner feeding them one by one.” Pyari her name is no one knows where she came from and how old she is, but she has been feeding these street cats for ages, she even steals food from the local chaat shop and Kirana store to feed these cats that’s how much she loves them. “ a young man who worked as a waiter in the nearby food joint told me.” She has been beaten by the shop owners for doing that but, she doesn’t stop even then, she can do anything for these street cats.” Ahmed the waiter boy told me.” Well, they are so many of them, thin, fat, brown, white, and black it seems she treats them like her babies.” I said after making my observations about the old rag-picker called Pyari. She was short less than 5 feet frail dark brown in complexion and with a wrinkled face and a thin bony body with short limbs. You could mistake her as an Adivasi of sorts.

I returned my game to her and saw her chewing on a broken piece of Samosa, she had been feeding the cats some potato chips which I am sure she stole from the Kirana store across the street. The cats crowded around her now there were more than a dozen, some purring at her feet the others trying to grab at her dirty petticoat which was torn and had mud stains on them. They made cat noises and tried to climb into her lap and she would let them, now and again she gave a toothy smile and a laugh as she held a cat with her tail and swirled it around as if doing it to her only child in the park.

Chaar Bangal is a different zone that’s for sure it is cheaper than many other areas, but is worn down and very much a back area of the city. Not a slum but an urban Dump Yard for the have nots. Crime is high and the youth have nothing much to do except work in small shops or try and get the odd acting assignment.

There is a local school nearby a Marathi Medium, the fees must below and I am sure the local Marathi manus with modest income must be sending their kids here.

“ Babu Sahib, Dus rupees meri billi bhookhi hei.” Pyaari looked at me with empty eyes, the only emotion she showed was the one of hunger. I handed her a crumpled note and she smiled back with an empty smile that showcased her gums and just a few pointed teeth, these shown out like car headlights in the middle of the night. I was happy to have helped her, in a neighborhood infested with petty crime, police violence, and shabby desolate housing, she stood out to me as a real saint and savior of animals. I walked off with admiration for what Pyaari was doing for the cats. After years spent on the street, I am sure she would have realized there was no need to save the humans of this locality as they were all far gone, but at least she could save her cats and keep them well feed and safe.

Life they say is like a circle , what goes around comes around and the circle of life keeps moving round and round . The same seems to be happening to me at the moment , I am back into the shelter of OYO rooms from the Luxury of JW Marriott I am back into the Rs 1800 a day with breakfast common man’s shelter that we call OYO rooms . It is a change from the scrumptious delicacies that we’re served to me at the luxury hotel , but I have made friends here and now keep alive through a diet of Chicken Roll and Prawn Curry .

The new hotel was basic and so was the food I was back to having meals of bread and omelets , the desire to make my web series evade my mind and so does my case due to releasing my mama molester videos on Facebook . I got rid of one greedy friend and land up in the lap of another greedy lawyer , it seems there is no respite . Thoughts and desires are all floating in my mind and in my thoughts , I try hard to get them out of my mind , but they keep evading me again and again .I am back to square one and can’t figure out I have moved forward or gone two steps back .

To see that cannot be seen and to show that cannot be shown , it is time for me to understand my own feelings and thoughts .