“ They say you are the master of the regression method , you can hypnotise people and take them to the past even make them a child and make them see their childhood memories .” Rashmi had heard about the great skills of the man and his special methods that he used to cure and heal his patients .” Yes the regression method is very unique but you need to be ready for it first , through hypnosis I can take you to your subconscious mind and unearth old wounds or pain points that have not healed some how because you have been unable to deal with the pain itself . Once we identify these pressure points in the mind I can use brain mapping to get their prices location . After mapping through serums and medication these memories can be erased permanently . Then during your active day you have no recollection of them and when you are going through your internal dialogue you are not beating your self our blaming yourself for these issues .’ Dr. Razdan described the treatment to Rashmi .’ It seems very elaborate I will have to stay here in the clinic for a while .” Rashmi replied .” Your mother has entrusted you to me now you have to do as I say . My compounder will give you the medication and tell you the timing , you will stay here in the dormitory upstairs we have a nurse called Kurupa she will do the need full and look after your stay in the clinic . “ Dr. Razdan handed his diagnosis to Rashmi .” Kurupa what a weird name , she must be fat ass ugly bitch , the name says it all .” Rashmi tried to imagine the looks of Kurupa .’ Well she is more like Hidimba large and as the name says very plain to look at , beware the rumour is she use to be a witch .” Dr. Razdan smiled adding a bit of intrigue to the whole thing .” Then the Witch will meet the Bitch today .” Rashmi was ready to meet the woman who would make her stay at the ward as comfortable as possible or so she thought .
‘ So Nayi murgi a gayi , Rashmi naam hei na tumhara , mein Kurupa is ward ki matron .” A large fat lady with a gash on her left cheek appeared from the dark , she had a glass of water in one hand and some pills in the other , she was wearing a white sari with a green border her hair were left loose . “ Kurupa madam so you have been entrusted to look after me , you are the fairy god mother it seems .” Rashmi wanted to know more about her matron .” Zyaada bakar bakar mat kar yeh tera ghar nahi ek metal ward hei , yahna ka kannon duniya se ulta hei .” Kurupa tried to explain .” You have to sleep in the day and remain awake in the night .” Kurupa said as if reading to her the house rules .” Your sleep patterns your diet all has been structured to loosen up parts of your mind .The mind has three parts the conscious mind , the subconscious mind and the super conscious mind .Right now your conscious mind is alert and active you can see and perceive things in the here and now .All the data that is needed to run bodily functions and make mental calculations to help in decision making are processed from this part of the mind .” Kurupa tried to show off all she had learnt from the good doctor over the years .” Ya ! I have read about on that shit over the net , I was interested in this physiotherapy gyaan when I was a programmer , we had a lot of deranged people their , many had to work odd hours as they had to deliver projects to clients abroad , you see I am used to the upside down life I have done grave yard shifts all my life .” Rashmi was unfettered .” I have just began this is your crash course , so conscious mind is the active mind most of us only use this part of the brain to do daily functions , day to day tasks etc . Now then you have the subconscious mind , this is where past memory is stored , memory of your child hood , learnings and experiences . This is the part of the brain that can be triggered when you are rested or in deep sleep . Dreams come to us from this part of the brain , it is also responsible for creative thinking , intuition ,poetry , music and art .” Krupa boasted of her vast knowledge on this subject .” Basically tum log dimağ ka bhosda bana te ho .” Rashmi launched aloud .’ Zyaada smart mat ban nahi to tere dimag ka dahi bana dungi.” Krupa said with a stifled smile .” Oye moti mein Rashmi Verma hun pure campus ko apni ungli par nachati thi mein .’ Rashmi took off her jacket and flung her self on the hospital bed which was a spongy mattress covered with stained white sheets , it had one pillow and a stool kept next to it . The entire room had cots wit plastic sheets covering them today there was no one in the dormitory , she had to sleep all alone .’ I will continue your lesson on the mind and it’s games some other day ,as of now try to sleep .” Rashmi tried to asses her surrounding a sound irritated her , it was the tap tap tap sound of water dribbling form the basin . A window was broken and breeze flew in from it . The ward had some oxygen cylinders , siring’s the cupboard was full of medicines and bottles , there was picture of OSHO , Einstein and Socrates on the walls . On the extreme left was a brace made out of cloth this was used to tie up the patients when they had a seizure or a fit , it was meant to control very violent patients . The walls were old with the paint pealing off due to rain water seeping into the walls . There were some pan stains on the wooden door , every thing smelled stale and there was a medicinal odour in the air .
Rashmi wore her white apron which was the only clothing allowed to her while she was in the ward as a mental patient . Her bi polar nature and extreme mood swings that went up and down like a YO YO could make her violent with rage . This clinic was her last hope , and she had to get ready to fight all her demons once again . With thoughts from the past swirling in her mind she tried to sleep and soon the medicine kicked in , she became drowsy and in no time fell into a deep sleep and then her dream began .
The Dream
Rashmi found herself in a swimming pool , she was barely ten years old paddling away in her flip flops in the shallow side of the pool .A young lad about 6 years old was swimming with a tube around his waist , it was Rashmi’s brother Vivek . “ I have told this boy to stay on the shallow side of the pool , but he keeps going towards the deep end , come back Vivek don’t go to the deep end the instructor is not around .” A lady old enough to be Rashmi’s mom shouted out , they had come for their regular swim session .Suddenly the small boy lost himself in the pool , his head was underwater and his body could barely float . Rashmi tried to save him she gave a huge scream ,’ Help help my brother he is drowning .’ The panic had begun but she was the nearest to him and she plugged head first into the water and desperately started to throw her arms about .She stretched and stretched huffed and puffed but as she came near the Boy had gotten stiff , the struggle was over her younger brother was no more , he had drowned . As if on cue the instructor jumped into the water and bought the limbless boy out of the pool . He tired to give him mouth to mouth trying to revive the boy . Soon the ambulance arrived and the boy was whisked off to the hospital . Rashmi was weeping and her mom was trying to console her , she knew her brother and not survived , she had lost him for ever .
Suddenly some one plug the curtains open ,’ Madam Rashmi Verma wake tip this is a wrap strict rules followed here .’ Krupa’s words bought the scene back to the ward .’ No bhai no baht what will I do without you don’t leave me bhai don’t leave me “ Rashmi was still talking to herself in her sleep .’ Oye uth haramzadi sapne baad mein dekh lena .’ Krupa said with a stern voice , the routine had to go on and today she had one more session with the good doctor .’ You had a bad dream it seems , you were talking to yourself some Vivek who is he .’ Krupa wanted to know .Rashmi woke up in haste and jumped up on her bed as if she had seen a ghost .’ Shit I can’t believe it was a dream , but it seemed it all happen yesterday , it was so alive the memories still raw like an open wound which was still throbbing with warm blood and puss oozing out of it . That what bad memories are they are like warts , puss and slime one needs to clean the system out of these before any phycological healing can take place . “ A nightmare it seems , what did you see in your dream .” Krupa was all ears .” Just flashes of water in the pool and images of the past my younger brother drowning in a swimming accident , he was a kid had no swimming experience I am his elder sister I could have saved him , I fell like shit today , so heavy it’s the guilt I carry , I should have done everything to save him , I tried go knows I tried , I tried oh! Vivek I miss you my bro .” Saying this tears started rolling down her cheeks .” Zyada natak mat kar keep your tears for your therapy session with the Dr. Chal ghet up goto the loo , you tooth brush is on the basin .” Kurupa gave out her instructions . Rashmi plonked out of bed and with her worn out crumpled apron she walked up-to the basin . She picked up the tooth brush and wrestled with the tap that was dripping with water as she stood up to brush her face , she came face to face with the mirror , but she was shocked instead of her raging face she saw the dark face of her Mama , full with stubble and mooch , she just saw flashes of the face , she screamed and gave a loud screech almost falling back with a recoil .As if on cue the old famous song from the movie Mehal rang into her ears “ Aye ga aye ga aye ga ane wala aye ga aye ga .” The music was coming from Dr Razdan’s Radio . Rashmi almost froze as she head this song . She had heard this before many times , her mama would play this song to her when he was with her , she knew the tune well .She brushed her teeth in haste and then walked into the corridor of the ward , following the sound of the song . All of a sudden a old brass chandelier started to quiver as the sound of the song rose up in the air . It made a crackling sound .She walked bare foot down the flight of stairs chasing the song as it were . Soon she had arrived at the door of Dr. Razdan’s study , she peeped through the half open door and then kept staring in wonder .What she saw startled the fat short podgy Razdan was half naked wearing rad women’s stocking with garters , he had a black bra strapped to his chest and he was standing in-front of the mirror painting his lips with a purple lipstick . All the while he admired his half naked fat body in-front of the mirror humming the song of the black and white Ashok Kumar film Mehal ,” Aye ga aye ga aye ga ane wala , aye ga .” The good Dr. Kept humming in-front of the mirror , after a while when he had finished powdering his face he glared to the left and saw Rashmi’s face peering at him , with one switch blow to the door he shut is a jar , a huge thud sound reverberated in the air . Rashmi almost fell back , she couldn’t believe her eye’s . Had she been day dreaming , was this for real , was that etc Dr. Himself or was that the reincarnation of her mama molester . What was real and what was not had begun to merge in this place you couldn’t make head and tail of anything .She rubbed her eye’s again and again and then slapped her face a few times . It was morning yes she was awake but then what was all this bizarre things she was seeing .She walked ahead across the front porch into the garden . The Gardner was doing his bit planting some new shrubs , he had kept the bird cage on the garden wall and Rashmi was distracted by the sound of the chirping birds the more the song played the more the birds chirped , it seemed like the lyrics of the song egged the birds to sing with more persistence and sweetness . The sun was out by now as it was way into the morning hour . Rashmi could hear the traffic blaring the routine of the city had started as people went about their every day routine . Rashmi felt light she could breath the fresh air and feel the breeze on her cheeks .She closed her eyes sat down on the garden grass in a yogic posture , no doubt trying to mediate , she had learnt this technique from her ex husband Naveen , he had been a ex cop and used to meditate regularly to relive stress . Rashmi was stress after seeing bizarre flashes of madness in ten morning . She wanted to feel alright she wanted to relax and that she did . She did the surya namaskar , the shav asana and then walked bare foot on the grass no doubt trying to soak in the dew and energise the base of her two feet .Age had taken it’s tole on the poor girl her hair line was receding and she had wrinkles around her eyes , too much work in-front of the computer I guess . She had become fat from a plump girl to a broad aunty the transformation had taken place , time it takes its toll on all of us and our little princess was no exception . Her breasts once talk of the town had sagged , they were large still but the bounce was gone . The yoga would help keep her fit and the deep breathing would energise her .
“ So you are here , good good do your exercise we have a session today remember .” Dr Razdan walked into the garden and greeted Rashmi . He had a newspaper in his hand and a form in the other .” Please sign this form , just formalities so that our treatment can start .” The Dr. Handed Rashmi the form . It was the normal consent form which patients had to sign before they went into therapy session .Rashmi signed it with out even looking at it , the she looked at the Dr. And said .’ You have strange tastes doc really strange , I did not know you like women’s clothing , I think you need the session more then me .”
The Dr. Smiled ,’ Don’t believe everything you see here , the eye might see one thing the mind will interpret it in some other way , you must be hallucinating it’s the medicine darling . “ he smiled again as if mischievously this time .” You like the song Aye ga aye ga it seems it woke you up .” He enquired .” Yes I know the tune Ashok Kumar was my mothers favourite actor . This was the first black and white horror film .” She recollected . “ Yes it really spooked me when I first saw it , it can really spook you at night especially when I stand on the balcony staring at the vast desert sand dunes at night .The sound is of the desert night , the tune is haunting as if some one longing for a loved one in great pain and agony . The longing it’s so raw in the song and the way it was choreographed .” Nostalgia yes thats what the good doctor felt .” She is a widow you know .” The Doctor said in a shrill tone .” Who dod you mean .” Rashmi enquired .” Kurupa the matron your fairy god. Mother , I bought her to help out with my patients and research work . She was helpless the scar on her cheek , she got it from her brother in-law . They almost left her for dead after her husband passed away in the line of duty during the Indo Pak war .” He meandered around the women history .’ Really she did seem a bit odd to me must be painful loosing a husband , widows don’t get much respect in our country . I know that our men are very cruel to our women especially in small towns like ours .” Rashmi tried to explain her point of view on this matter . “ Kurupa that’s why she has been christened with that name , it means ugly .” Razdan twisted the newspaper in his hand .” Ya thats a nasty scar , some one must have hit her with a sickle or a cheap blade .Was she also raped ?” Rashmi wanted to know after all she would be spending a lot of time with our bulky lass .” Well her brother in-law forced himself on her with out consent and did that repeatedly , when she resisted they threw her out of the house and attacked her . The Vidhwa ashram was her only hope and saviour .” Razdan knew the women history .’ You seem to have taught her all the tricks of your trade man she is an expert on the operations of the subconscious mind , she gave me a full lecture on that last night . Must be some journey from a destitute widow to a psychiatric’s assistant , and I thought only I had a story to tell .” Rashmi sighed as she said this .” We all have are unique journeys full of joy , pain , suffering , years and laughter , each one is exciting with twists and turns bends and dead ends . The problem is that we are so involved with our own mental drama that we do not even once pause to see what the other has gone through . Believe me each one of us have travelled a fascinating road .” Razdan grew sombre and reflective as he said those words .
“ But then some journeys are more fascinating then others , wait till we get to our session .’ She winked at the good doctor and walked back into the porch . She knew that soon she will be on the doctors leather chair ,a s he will began to unravel the deep recesses of her mind , god knows what will appal today from her deep sub conscious mind today . As of now all she could do was wait .
