“ Kya naam hei tumhara .” Dr Razdan chewed his ball point pen and asked the most obvious question . “ Dr. I am Rashmi Verma .” The lady with bob cut silver hair replied .” Why are you here in a psychiatric ward and what do you want from me .” Dr Razdan looked a bit perplexed as he asked this question .’ Well I have always been branded as the other women , a women who is loose of character , I was the slut of the campus but I think people were just jealous that I had so many boys around me . Tell me Dr. Am I loose women lacking in virtue . Kya mein aap ko aise ladki lagti hun .” The wall clock struck six and the ghantta rang six times . The sound reverberated in the air , this was just a minor distraction in their conversation .

‘ Srimati ji pehle aap meri godi se tho utariye phir mein yeh analysis karun ga .”  The Dr tried to catch a breathe as Rashmi  suddenly realised she was sitting on the Dr. Lap and had her hands around him in an embrace . She jerked and got out of his lap walked to the other side of the table and sat on the leather couch which was the Patients chair .She looked like a confident woman she had not lost her style , oomph and virility but yes age had caught up with her as she had passed her middle age . With silver streaks in her hair you could tell this goose had been cooked many times . But she had experience on her side and wisdom , like fine wine she had matured and aged with grace . Leaving her campus days behind her life and moved on and taken many curves and bends , some lead to success the other just ended up as dead ends . She would no doubt put all her lovers in college as dead ends as she never married them or they decided to leave her for greener pastures .’ Mard tho bahut aye zindigi mein , par mein sirf usko respect deti hun jisne mujhse shaadi kari .” She took off her jacket and stretched on the leather couch  ,” Aap Jesi auraat our shadi , how many lovers have you had .” The wise Dr Razdan who was bald a bit hunched looked at her with peering eyes .” Ab tho ginti bhi bhool gayi , but yes I had a husband once his name was Naved .” She looked towards the ceiling and then all around the wall of the clinic . There were charts , huge charts on the wall , with diagrams and pictures showing the various psychiatric ailments that were common to the people of Jasalmir . Mano Rog that is what was treated here and Dr. Razdan was an expert he had practised in the city for decades , mainly helping out the village poor and the army personals stationed in the area with their mental problems . Most had issues with their spouses , some drank a lot , some just suffered from drug addictions , the others suffered from an even deadlier disease and that was poverty . Razdan was a widower and lived in a huge two stories bungalow , on top were the beds meant for the patients and he had his clinic on the gourd floor . He had a huge garden with caged birds singing all day along , he loved his bride and would feed them and give them water but he kept them caged and confined . They would chirp all day and at Tims he would talk to them ,” Kya hall hei ! Kajri aah bahut naach rahi ho .’ He would talk to his favourite bird patted the tip of the cage with his palm as if to show his love and affection for his adopted babies . He  lived the old fashioned way it seemed that he was still in the 1970’s era , he wore Safari suits and brown lather Bata shoes . He was clean shaven and only ventured out of his bungalow for a medical conference or to visit the Vidhwa ashram , he was their patron and also donated handsomely to the ladies of the Ashram . But today there was a special lady in his clinic a middle aged women now passed her prime called Rashmi Verma .The Ghost had returned to haunt Jaisalmer   , after all this was also Rashmi’s home town . Her Father had been the DIG in the Rajasthan police and had served the state for years in this capacity . This was also were her mother had been a school teacher at the Modern High school for decades , she had taught Chemistry and Biology to the students , many had graduated with Honours and had made a name for themselves . Rashmi had in a sense come a full circle , she had grown in the desert land . The city of Kings and Maharaja’s , of forts and camels , the town even had a brand of cigarettes named after it .

“ Is umar mein ek pagal Khane mein kese aiye aap .” Dr Razdan quizzed Rashmi . “ Kuch nahi i am just fucking bored with life , sex bahut kar Liya and after a point all men are the same , they all want  one thing and thats between my legs . I was a computer programer you know with a big software company in Bangalore called Kaan Infotech , they even sent me to Amsterdam to work .” She paused for a moment as if distracted by the sounds of the chirping birds in the cage .’ Phir kaya hua how did life bring you here .” Razdan grew curious after all it had always been his strategy to let his patients do the talking , the more they spoke the. More relaxed they felt and the more intimate the Dr. and Patient relationship became .” I excelled  at my work , I was made the team leader and even flew the globe recruiting for my company . I was a big shot yaar ! It was my dream to travel the world , I was fed up of India , the narrow minded people with a shallow mentality , some how I was too forward thinking to live in India . I know I much I wanted to be out of the country . My mother use to keep having her fits , I had no support all the men I though would help me , they just fucked me in return of some favour or the other . I just feel into the trap of one man or the other , I felt so used .” Rashmi sighed as she narrated her tail , there was some madness in her tome but her eyes light up when she spoke of her travels around the world .Yes our Rashmi was like the birds in the cage , she just wanted to break free and that’d so she did . From the clutches of a patriarchal society  she flew westwards towards freedom , where no one would judge her or chid her for her character , there would be no moral policing .” Salle Gore login mein yeh baat tho acche hei they have a concept of partner , no body wants to get married everyone lives with their partner , husband and wife is a old concept now in the west .” She started her monologue again .” Well I think that suits your style more , since you believe in free amorous relationships only .” Razdan  tried to get her to talk further , but to facilitate that he handed her two large blue tablets .” Here have them they will calm you down you will feel better , just some relaxants .” He handed her a glass of water , Rashmi swallowed the pills and then closed her eyes , Dr. Razdan walked to the side table on which a very old fashioned radio was place , the large ones with wooden casing and a knob and dial , he switched the Radio on , suddenly he increased the volume and a song started playing , it was familiar one not for the Dr. But for Rashmi , the tune was from an old Raj Kapoor hit film called Bobby .” Hum tum ek kameran mein band ho aur Chabi kho jaye .” The music echoed through the clinic walls , the Dr . Started dancing to the tune of the song ,” Oh this is my favourite song  I use to look like Rishi Kapoor once ,

I had hair on my head once you know .” Razdan was as if transported to his youth . His dancing grew more brisk and vibrant as he kicked the aluminium stool and hurled his arms in the air , the song got louder as he turned the volume full blast ,” Hum tum ek kamrein mean band ho are chabhi kho jaye , ahh haha  bada mast gana hei .” As the Dr danced around the patients chair , Rashmi opened her eyes she had been distracted by the song and the vibrant and energetic Sufi whirling that the Dr was doing , he kept going round and round like a Sufi saint , he circled her once then twice and then thrice humming the tune of Bobby picture . As Rashmi opens her eyes she looked at Razdan with amazement and then her face started to turn pale and yellow . Instead of the face of the Dr, she started being the face of her demon , her mama yes her Chand mama .When the Dr turned his face to the left the face of Chand mama appeared and when he turned his face to the left Dr Razdan’s face reappeared . She felt scare and sad , so scared that she screamed after a point as the dance grew to a crechendo she screamed with all her might .” Stop it stop it , you have raped me for years as a child what is ti you want from me now , you bastard leave me alone leave me alone , my body is my temple I wont allow you to defile ti any more , choodh de muggy madarchod chodh they mujehy haramzade , help me some one help me .” Rashmi screamed as she put her hands on her ears to shut the music away ,she closed her eyes out of fear . No doubt the song had trigged her most painful memories , the memories of her mama molesting her while her mother use to go away to the school to teach .The memories had become a part of her subconscious mind and the song which the mama use to sing while  he would be trying to strip her of her frock was still reverberating in the air .Her scream filled the air it caused a flutter in the grid cage , the birds grew restless and began to chirp loudly as if they sympathised with Rashmi .” Stop it Dr. Stop this song , I cant take it any more just stop it , I thought I had left the bastard behind but he keeps coming back to haunt me .” She picked her sandals and drew it at the Old fashioned Radio , the damn thing fell on the floor and crashed into two pieces .

Dr. Razdan looked at the broken radio on the floor as a sheet of silence descended upon them ,”Hmmm he gave a long sigh mujehy lagta hei hum tumhara treatment ab shuru kar saktein hein .  “ He knew he had touched a raw nerve of his new client and it would now be easier to get to the root of her Phycological problem , thus the treatment and already begun , Rashmi had a dark spot in her Subconscious mind and that dark spot was her Mama Molester her was the root of it all , the root of her very Phycological make up . He had hit something and now  diagnosing her problem would become easier .

“ Mama tha mera salla molested me when I was twelve , I was so sacred , mummy ko nahi bataya bas that was it my journey has a Nympho started , it was Naved at high school . I taught him all he knew meiney hei tho use sex karna sikhaya , he didn’t even know what a blow job was duffer salla .” She hissed .’ Phir Kay hua .’ Razdan questioned her .’ Kuch nahi the cycle started from there , he got married to some bitch his mom choose for him and dumped me . I remember giving him blow jobs in the evening , we use to do do our studied together buts most of the time he would be taking about his plans to open a travel agency and I would be sucking his cock with pee in it , I use to ask him to clean his poppet before I blew him . Guys are so un hygienic . But he turned out to be a harami .

Puri phenol ki botal pee gaye thi mein , they ahd to flush my stomach for 2 days to get me back to life , that was my first sucide  attempt .” She paused all the emotions and the trauma of the past had just flashed in-front of my eyes .” So how many times you have attempted to take your life .” Razdan needs to know his patients history of self destruction .” Well I have thought about it dozens of time but attempted it only three times . This was my first attempt , my second attempt was when I divorced my first husband and the third was just before I came here , I had just broken up with my dutch partner Michal I tried to jump from the window into my garden but a huge tree broke my fall , nothing much happened I just fractured my hip see I even have some bruises here from the fall on my thighs .” Rashmi lifted her skirt to show the Dr. Her wondrous milky thighs , Razdan looked at her skin bemused he no doubt had lust in his here , but this was his patient and he had to maintain some distance which he did .” Three times thats a lot for a woman your age , is it you’re hyper sensitivity to things that cause you to self destruct . Talk to me open up to me I need to read your mind before I can treat you .” Razdan wanted more information about her past .” I can take you back in time it’s called Regression though hypnosis I will make you a 10 year old child again this way I can find your dark spots in the mind and then try to heal them through medication  , I can also erase all your bad and vile memories , as if they never happened .

“ The good Dr. Walked up to his Electronic regression machine which was a contraption with wires coming out , it was attached to a head era which the patient had to wear . There was a screen on the side of the bed where the blips would be monitored and the Dr could then read the blips to make his diagnosis .” Hi tech machine Doctor you guys in India have really advanced . I mean don’t get me wrong health care in Europe is the best in the world , but India is getting close .  Three suicide attempts you must really think I am a freak .” Rashmi smiled it was as if she was enjoying her little session , after a long time she could openly talk to some one , just me totally naked in-front of some one with out being judged .” I love talking to you doctor it makes me feel light already . There was one other guy who I could share all my dark secrets with .” She paused to stare at the broken radio set on the floor .” Ya ! Tell me who was this guy you loved to confide in .” Razdan figured her a bit more .” Mottu yaar mera best friend in college , mean usko sab kuch batati  thi , he was my bunny my motto , he was so cute always wanted a fuck from me and I always showed him the door , but he kept coming back silly guy .” Rashmi was feeling light and happy after all the medicine had started to kick in .

You have had many men in your life it seems .” Razdan asked .’ Yes most were losers , as I said men are just looking to bang me , I lost respect for them thats what happened , it got to a point I sue to fuck them and then fuck their friends just to humiliate them it was my way for putting their face in the mud . Men I know them like the back of my hand , they would all get jealous and worked up .Their was this madarchodh Raizada in college , I fucked him first in my campus days and just to put him down I fucked all his friends to , salla he hit me once for close dancing with his friends , but I didn’t give a shit my sexuality is my weapon and I know how to use it , I can get into a man’s mind like no one can and when you learn the game you can play it to your advantage .” She spoke like an expert in the art of dating and love making . “ So all the trouble in your life has been caused by the men you slept with .’ Razdan paced about as he heard of  Rashmi’s ordeal .’ Well I did come from a broken home and I had a younger brother who died of a swimming accident , i was the only child of the house after that  , my mom is also mental she is scared of the dark and has fits at times , to add to that the men in my life have created a lot of havoc .”

“ You have had an interesting life it seems , I can see a best seller coming .’ Razdan chided her it was his way of using humour to lighten up things .” Array I might just make you mad , you have no idea what twisted life I have lead .” Rashmi said as if she wanted to go on an on .

“ We will have to meet for your next session on Tuesday for that to happen , let’s take it one step at a time , I am sure your stories will vent end . But you see a psychiatric treatment is a slow one it takes time even years to get to the patients root problem and once I can diagnose that then I can really start healing you .” It seems your mama is a real pain point in your subconscious , after that. Are the long list of your lovers who have further twisted you which resulted in the several suicide    attempts  you have made . I have all the staff , medication and equipment in my clinic to heal you , but you have to trust me and at all times tell me the truth the whole truth , no lies just pure truth then only the healing process will have an impact on you .” Razdan gave his long sermon as he opens the bird cage and cleans it then he put some water in dish for the birds to drink .Then he turned to Rashmi and said “ You are going to be my little caged bird now , my little pet and it will be my duty to fix you so that you can live in the real world again .” He looked a Rashmi with a glint in his eyes this was going to be a long journey for both of them and it seemed they both knew it .