My last few days have been spent making the rounds of the Andheri Metropolitan Court, the matter that needed to be addressed was the urgent recovery of my Laptop and I Phone which the police had seized from me a couple of months back when I had been posting my naked Mama Molester Videos for my web series. I have a new lawyer by the name of Jeetu another Bihari Chap. Man I get out of the clutches of one Bihari and land up in the hands of another and the fleecing of money keeps going on. This Jeetu is a thin dark middle aged Bihari Lawyer who has almost gone bald with fuzzy grey hair on the side of his temple, apart from that he is totally bald. The court of Andheri has nothing but paper and files all around as one stops the auto and enters in the bylines  that takes one to the main gates of the Court one is inundated by lawyers selling their services and pushing bond paper in my face. I walk past all of them to greet Jeetu Ji, dressed in white shirt and a collar he greets me,” See you are such a innocent man you got trapped, the guy who gave your guarantee for the bail only rolled you.” He looked at his mobile phone to check his number again, he then peered at me with his small brown eyes through a large rimmed spectacle.” Yes ! I got fooled signed the wrong contract and now he is asking me for lakhs and lakhs otherwise he will remove his guarantee from his bail bond.” I went on to explain still panting from my morning excursion to the court. Jeetu sat me down under a large tree which is at the center of the court, it is covered with cemented concrete.” How much money do you have, I will get you out of this mess now don’t worry you are in the right hands.” Jeetu went on to explain as he took my complaint letter and some more evidence from my hand.” So it is matter 67 A, outraging the modesty of a lady, this actress you mean the matter is sensitive a lady is involved but we will get you out quick, all you need to do is get the money.” He smiled at me,” You are a an actor how much you got from Shah Rukh Khan for doing that role.” He ask as if trying to gauge how much I must be earning in a month, that way he could figure out how much fees to charge me.

At the court the most important thing is files, papers, Xerox copies, signatures and photo ids. The entire circus works on paperwork attested copies and bond paper. In court it is the documents, case numbers, FIR reports and charge sheets that matter. The more money you pay the lawyer the quicker will your case number come up and the sooner will your issue be resolved. The other thing to remember is that you know your court number where you had to be present in-front of the magistrate. It is the magistrate that has the ultimate power to pass an order that might help and turn your case. The other important aspect is colluding with the opposition lawyer, buying the opposition lawyer with back of the hand money is the oldest tactic in the world apart from bribing the clerks who push your file at the top or give you the earliest date, everything depends on the money you shell out, how much and how quickly you do it. It is best to close the case fast if the crime is not major which was the case with me. Get a resolution in a few months and get an all clear certificate from the court and they police, so that you cannot be re arrested. Handle all that well with the help of a experienced lawyer and you are through, here you have to trust your lawyer completely and take his word for it. They know the ropes and the system they also know the price at which each man in the chain can be bought. I showed my desperation to get my IT equipment back and get a all clear chit.” I have to work Jeetu ji I am a writer now selling my books I just came to Mumbai to sell my IPR right for my book, don’t know how I got trapped and stuck here in this predicament.” I explained to him showing my exasperation with the system and how much I had been shelling out for the past week or so. “ First it was the cops now the lawyers, I have to get back to work and start writing please get my equipment back so that I can go back home and do what I do best.” I went on to explain that it was hard for me in Corona times.” Just be humble in front  of the magistrate, I will handle everything, just get the right amount of money.” Jeetu was another fan of money , he was always asking me to get the money whenever I called him up to come to the court.” I had finally taken charge of my case and knew all the sections that I was charged with by heart .The red cloth file with white strings looked ancient even more ancient then the dusty old court building with a broken cooler and a dusty record room full of old lady typists cracking away at old type writers some of the computers reminded me of the nineties .Court is nothing but endless procedure and slow paper work with cops and law assistants writing names and serial numbers in fat registers, their was work going on indeed but nothing seemed to move. Jeetu kept his file in an old locker on the second floor.” You say here only too much up and down could be harm full for you, as it is you have started panting, you just get the Xerox of everything I ask you for .” He went on to tell me.” Get Rs 50,000 tomorrow, I have spoken to the prosecution lawyer, we will close the case in the next date, as it is the police has said you have done nothing, you have also signed the apology. After you’re IT equipment is given to you, we can get an affidavit signed from the girl and you will get an all clear.” He went on to tell me with an honest intent.” I have filed your application for it and the charge sheet will be given to us by the police in written. I walked up to the caller to have some water it was not cold and the steel glass had grime on it. Most people were wearing corona masks and their were criminals, hardened ones wearing black masks on their heads.” You have done nothing, not killed anyone not raped anyone or stole form anyone, taken anyone’s property only a harmless video on Facebook you posted. I mean you are a creative persona and it’s more a matter of speech and artistic expression.” Jeetu went on to explain that he understood the space that I was coming from.” You sit in the canteen, have some chola puri and tea till I get your files sorted out.” Jeetu motioned to me to go down and turn left towards the canteen. I walked below towards the outer court yard more in control of my feelings and emotions I had taken control of my case and my cheater friend who had threatened to pull out as my guarantor would now be definitely panicking. I contemplated the fate of my case and looked around to find a fan of mine a plump lady slightly tanned in complexion stared right at me.

”You were in Indian idol no, you I have seen you in TV also in films, I forgot your name.” She pulled her mask from her face to gaze at me with her bright sparkling eyes, she looked like a south Indian to me. “ Yes I am an actor in Bollywood films, I do lots of ads also now I am a writer.” I went on to tell her as a piece of puri fell plump into my plate.” Yes I remember you well what is the matter for you in the court.” She asked rather nosily.” Nothing just return of property matter, I am here to get my laptop and I Phone.” I asked trying to hide the fact that I had made naked videos of mine and shamed a lady with the same equipment.” Best of luck … you are a fine actor ”

She waved at me and passed by. “ Arrey Bhai you are in good hands I will make a complaint against your friend, we will get him in our grips soon.’ Jeetu came into the canteen to chat with me.” I have taken an early date for next week, we will be finished by then and you will get your laptop, one step at a time this is court and the process of the law.” Jeetu was my new found friend for a few weeks to come and I would indeed be picking his brains for the knowledge of the law.

Next day I arrived at the usual time of 12 noon at the court, I had become habitual of taking the auto and stopped at the local Vada Pav shop to have a bite of the tasty Maharashtrian snack. As I walked into the gates of the courts again holding a samosa in my hand I was stopped by a Hawaldar at the gate,” No half pant please this is a serious matter you are in the court you cannot walk in a half pant alone .” He admonished me as if on cue the other Hawaldar also stopped me from going in.”

Who is your lawyer hasn’t some one told you about all these things.” Sir I am in a hurry need to file a new application my lawyer is Jeetu please call him over.” I went on to state as if perplexed at what the issue was all about. Jeetu saw me standing at the edge of the gate.” Sir let him come he is my client, he is in a spot of bother he is dressed Ok artist her sir they wear these kind of clothes only.” Jeetu said with half a smile as if trying to defuse the situation all together.

“Why don’t you go on the other side of the road and get a full pant and then come over to the court.” The Hawaldar pointed out.” Yes ! Yes I think I will just do that.” Saying this I turned around and walked to the other side of the road looking for a clothes shop. It was selling woman’s clothing but had a gents section at the back.” Hi ! I need a track bottom to wear.” I asked in a dazed voice. I tried one out and the attendant got my size perfectly right, bingo the deal was made and at Rs 600 I had a great track bottom which I wore over my half pant .Now I could enter the wretched building and smell it’s moldy and stale air.” You are so innocent stop being a child, the world is a nasty place see even your friend who says he knows you for years is trying to extract money out of you.” Jeetu said anxiously.” I will fix him too soon.” Saying this he went on with his business to enquire weather the magistrate had come or not as I lazily waved in the dusty lobby area with stained walls full of cob webs and rust stains on them. Their were cops all over bringing the criminals too and for  to the courts from the local prisons and jails. It was a sturdy stream of criminals most were hardened ones others just petty thieves.

I turned my gaze to the left and saw a beautiful Hijra stare at me with soft eyes.” You are very pretty.” I exclaimed,” Thank you he replied and then went about his business. I walked down only to be greeted by the south Indian lady.” I am Mala I meet you at the canteen, it seems your matter is long you have been coming for the past week or so.” No No just property collection then I am off to my city in the hills.” I said trying to hide the real reason why I was apprehended.” You are a celebrity it should be ok, I spoke to your lawyer, you made some videos about an actress, it seems.” She said trying to look straight at me.” Well I am trying to make a web series out of my book, just got fucked by my own friends who stole 2 lakhs from me and I am yet to start work on the damn web series, they promised me they would sell my book but they have not been able to do so, so in return I made no money and instead ended up shelling out money from my own pocket.” Hota Hai ! that is life, we all loose in relationships.” She tried to sooth my nerves.” I only made a video and am trying to make some great cinema.” I said with a tone that was still and rather tiered. Suddenly their was pandemonium around it seems the big sahib was just walking out of the court, he was a big man the main magistrate who passed all the orders in the court, he was surrounded by body guards and his Cham cha’s. I fell back and sat on the stone bench to take a look at his grand entourage ,as the big man walked passed me. I then went to the photo copier guy to get more Xerox copies made for my own personal file I wanted to know all the IPC sections I was booked under and understand them in full.

Sec 354 D is a bailable offence for a first time it is bailable with a fine and the order can be passed by any magistrate. It pertains to stalking and harassment of a lady through the internet and also spying at her activities through the internet. IPC 509 is also bailable and includes outraging the m modesty of a woman. IPC Sec 509 is also bailable and one can get off paying a fine for it. Sec 67 A talks about publishing sexually explicit image and videos that excite others and give them lustful thoughts, this section is applied to all online harassment cases that are going on the internet these days.