Bhutan was a place that I always wanted to go as it was the happiest country in the world. A mountain land steeped in the most ancient Buddhist tradition, Bhutan has almost zero pollution with a population of less than 7 lakh inhabitants. It is a country that is sparsely populated. One sees mountains, greenery and fresh air everywhere. I was taken around Bhutan by Roop Singh, a local from a nearby village near Paro. Roop explained to me that Bhutan relied on agriculture for its survival – fruits, crops and vegetables. People are peaceful and mild as they follow Buddhism, the religion of peace. Bhutan is a kingdom ruled by a King but the day to day functioning of the country is managed by the Prime Minister and a senate.

The winding mountain path made me a bit giddy at times as we took frequent breaks for meals and water. I stayed in a couple of mountain resorts which had tastefully done up rooms with Bhutanese waitresses ever so eager to serve you. The Bhutanese, to me, looked a bit shorter in height than the rest of the world. It seems that they have a low average height. One can see Indian banks like the Punjab and Sind Bank in Bhutan and the Bhutanese Rupee is equal to the Indian Rupee. Sets of mountain roads with houses of distinctive Bhutanese architecture fall on either side. One can always spot a Buddhist Stupa, a giant wishing wheel or a monastery on the way as I often stopped over to take pictures or talk about the view.

What faceted me most about this country was the use of the Phallic symbol, or as one would say, the Penis. A lot of the houses and shops had vivid and creative pictures of penises on their walls like ejaculating ones and those with hairy testicles. There was one with dragons and serenest coming out from the side of the penis. All were colourful images painted with chalk or wet paint. Most of the curious were also shaped like erect penises and I decided to buy a big red wooden penis looking like a cross. It is said that they are symbols of fertility, production, vitality and joy. I also bought a book called PHALLUS crazy wisdom from Bhutan by Karma Choden which vividly describes Bhutan’s fascination with the phallic symbol. The practice of phallus worship started from the divine madman called Drukpa Kunley when he arrived from Tibet in the 15th century.

The Temple of Fertility was also called the Chimi Lhakhang. The brown phallus kept here contains magical powers to subdue evil forces in nature. People come here to get blessings and the gift of fertility. The phallic symbol is closely associated with Bon Ritual, a very ancient form of Buddhism. It evokes fertility and can be seen everywhere, on the roof of houses tied to windows to the farmland shaped like a scarecrow. “Ya Roop, the symbol of the penis in Bhutan is similar to the Shiva linga we have in India. The linga is a round piece of black stone shaped like the penis of Lord Shiva. It also stands for fertility. Women pray to it to get a child and it wards off evil spirits.” I remarked after analysing this ancient symbol. “Oh! Sir, you mean Drupka Kunley was a reincarnation of Shiva? Very interesting.” He laughed as he said this.

My Poem in Tribute to the Phallus

I AM IN LOVE BUT GIRL, I CAN’T GET IT UP

Rap…

IT’S EVERY MAN’S NEED TO GET IT UP AND BREED

SINCE I SAW YOUR FACE, I CAN’T GET OFF YOUR CASE

WINE AND WOMEN GIVE ME NO TASTE

MY LIFE RIGHT NOW IS A TOTAL WASTE

Verse…

WHEN I SEE A BEAUTIFUL GIRL, MY DICK DOESN’T STAND AND TWIRL

I WONDER HOW I LOST MYSELF IN YOUR LOVELY CURLS

MY FRIENDS SAY I AM UP TO NO GOOD

LIKE ROBIN HOOD LOST IN SHEER WOOD

YOUR LOVE HAS CONSUMED ME FROM INSIDE

HELL, I CAN’T GET IT UP BY MY BEDSIDE

Chorus…

I AM IN LOVE BUT GIRL, I CAN’T GET IT UP

WHEN I SEE A LOVELY GIRL, NOW I WANT TO HIDE

THIS ERECTILE PROBLEM HAS REMAINED BY MY SIDE

MY FRIENDS SAY I SHOULD SHAG A FEW CALL GIRLS

BUT AFTER YOUR LOVE, THIS IS ALL BUT JUST A BLUR

PEOPLE SAY MY LOVE SCARED YOU AWAY

BUT WHAT CAN I DO, I JUST CAN’T STOP THINKING OF YOU

PEOPLE SAY YOU HAVE GONE TOO DEEP

BUT WITHOUT GETTING IT UP, THERE IS NO HARVEST TO REAP

OH HY BROTHERS, WHAT TO DO

I AM IN LOVE AND I CAN’T GET IT UP

TELL HER YOU JUST WANT TO BE GOOD FRIENDS, SOME ADVICE COMES MY WAY

BUT IF I CAN’T GET IT UP, HOW WILL I MAKE YOUR DAY I SAY

IF THE INTENSITY OF MY LOVE HAS SCARED YOU AWAY

JUST TALK TO ME ONCE TO MAKE MY DAY

OH FRIENDS, I CAN’T GET IT UP BECAUSE I AM IN LOVE

YOU SAY YOUR DECISION TO STAY AWAY FROM ME IS ABSOLUTELY CORRECT

BUT AFTER FALLING FOR YOU, IT’S NEVER BEEN ERECT

JUST F*** OFF F*** OFF IS ALL I HEAR

I CAN’T GET IT UP DARLING, IT’S HARD FOR ME TO BARE

I RUN FROM PILLAR TO POST SEEKING ADVICE

MY BALLS STILL JINGLE LIKE A PAIR OF DICE

YOU SHOULD HAVE F***** HER FIRST, A FRIEND CRIED OUT

BUT IF I CAN’T GET IT UP, HOW WILL I F*** THAT’S THE DOUBT

I AM IN LOVE AND NOW I CAN’T GET IT UP

GIRLS, MY FRIENDS NEED SECURITY SOME SAY

I PROMISE TO GIVE YOU MY FLAT, THAT’S THE ONLY THING I HAVE

TAKE MY WEALTH AND ALL PROPERTY

JUST PROMISE TO GIVE ME BACK MY SANITY

ALL THAT’S MINE IS YOURS TO KEEP

BUT IF I CAN’T GET IT UP, MY PROBLEM WILL BE RUNNING TOO DEEP

OH BOY, I AM IN LOVE AND I CAN’T GET IT UP

A SINGLE MESSAGE FROM YOU EVEN IF IT’S FULL OF SCORN WILL MAKE MY DAY

BUT IF I CAN’T GET IT UP, HOW WILL WE MAKE HAY

I HAVE TOLD MY LOVE STORY TO EVERYBODY

PEOPLE SAY IT’S SO UNIQUE, IT SHOULD BE A HARVARD BUSINESS SCHOOL CASE STUDY

OH MY FRIENDS, I AM IN LOVE AND I CAN’T GET IT UP

Enjoy…